Between Stars and Fish

I gazed down from the surface of the void,

where I floated effortlessly;

where sunbeams penetrated

only so far.

The long, straight, rays of light

filtered down through sea water,

flashing off circling schools of fish.

I felt no fear,

imagining the bottom

and what lurked there,

far out of sight,

in cold blackness

six thousand feet below.

I yearned

to dive below that surface

and feel the eternity

of endless space

 envelope me

like a suffocating hug. 

Instead my body drifted,

unmoving with awe,

sensing the ebb and flow of the sea

outside and within.

I was flying,

in a way,

so content was I to drift

slowly over the edge

amid the calm,

bobbing waves,

the friendly sharks,

squid and stingrays,

the grouper, blowfish

and durgeon.

I wanted to swim among them, but felt

I didn't belong.

I was lucky to watch;

to say hi;

to witness myself

out of body

and taste the primordial soup

that produced my bones and flesh.

I said hello to the fear,

the intrinsic voice

that scours endlessly for security,

the illusion of solid ground beneath.

Below,

in the vast emptiness,

I saw this truth:

It is the Void that spawned, suspends, sustains

this strange,

shared

existence.

At night we lie on the pier.

Creaking, weathered boards

hold us over dark water

alive and luminous—

afire with phytoplankton

glittering near the surface

like sparklers on the Fourth of July:

little flashing dots of light;

beacons of life—

for each one,

how many unseen creatures

flourish out of sight?

Orion aims his bow into infinity

while Betelgeuse and Rigel

wink in the sky, even as they die:

No end. No beginning.

Black hole after black hole

and then?

Waves roll evermore

beneath me

and through me.

Planets, moons, stars

circle,

orbiting

like fish in a beam of light.

Void above,

Void below,

Void within,

always inviting me deeper.

I open my eyes and see

I dove in

at birth;

And to live

is to float

and swim

and fly,

suspended in this place

between stars

and fish.

I belong.

I am part of this harmony,

another flash of light in the dark.

To belong

is all I've ever wanted.

 --For Joe and Sue, who showed us the island and the sea

Little Cayman, April 2019

Photo by Mandi Franz